How are things going?

Well, I haven't posted in a while, but life has been really busy. Not anything too crazy though, thank god. Last time I posted, I was ready to start losing weight and get my life back on track. Well, it seems like I was ready. I have lost 20 pounds since then! I look and feel great. I still have a large goal, 14 pounds by November 21 and then 20 after that by January 15. It's a lot to lose, but I am ready to lose it. I just want to be "healthy" enough to have another baby. We have been talking about it and we want to start trying again when Robert turns 2. That way they will be just far enough apart that they will still be able to be friends. I have a great relationship with my brother and want that for my kids.
Wes is doing great. Staying really busy at work. He is doing a great job of juggling work and our family. A lot of cops have a hard time doing that. By now a lot of families start going through hardships. Ours is staying strong and only getting stronger.
Robert, well, he now officially a big boy. He is walking, talking, and is everywhere. He says about 10 words clearly and appropriatley. A few others that are hard to understand, but he will help you understand them by pointing at whatever he is talking about. He is so smart too. He loves to learn. He will work with something until he knows how to get it. He is very strong willed though. He loves to get his way and if he doesn't, WOW does he get a little attitude. He is my little man, and as time goes on, I still can't believe that he is mine!

Hopefully this will motivate me some...

Before Robert: I was 179, wearing a size 10-12. I was comfortable with my body and HAPPY!

After Robert: 205, size 16, cant be seen without my clothes on even by my husband, refuse to go out in public unless I have to. So UNHAPPY! And look who I'm standing next to, a freaking handsome cop!

So, I feel things are starting to fall into place a little

I don't know what it is, but I feel so happy right now. Even though I have a lot on my mind, just spiritually I am happy. Robert is doing so much better than he was last week, he is so happy and playful. He loves waving and saying "buh bye." And he is always wanting his "Mama." He is so sweet too, specially when he first wakes up. He loves to just be held and lay on my shoulder. He is trying to walk too. He walks along the couch and tables. It's so cute because he still is a little wobbly. But it's so nice to see him feeling well, I haven't seen this part of him in such a long time. He has the personality of his daddy. I am debating whether or not I want to stay home with him. I would love to be a stay at home mom, but at the same time I love working. I love what I do and I love the people that I work with. I have though quit school for now. I need to be with my family and take care of things at home first. I plan on going back after August. Just with all the stuff going on with the baby, I need to be here for him. Anyways, just needed to get this out.

What the HELL is going on with my child?

I'm beyond stressed out these days. Between having to quit school, in fear of losing my job, and watching my little boy get sick every week, I don't know how I make it through the day. So this past week has been a HORRIBLE week. Robert has been to the doctor 2 times already and the ER once. Last Friday I picked him up from school and he was very sleepy, he had been asleep all day and when he was awake he just wanted to lay on the teachers. That is far from normal for him. I have the type of child who refuses to sleep at school. So I had noticed for a few days that he had been pulling on his ears. So I took his temp and he had a low grade fever. No need to rush to the doctor, just took him on Saturday. Well he was acting great on Saturday. He was laughing and having a good time. So the doctor took some blood tests and his white blood cell count came back high. Normal is 15,000 and his was 22,000. Now I'm freaking out. Just the week before he was put on meds for a bacterial infection. He was on meds for 10 days. So his WBC shouldn't had been high. The doctor had no idea what was going on. He gave him a shot of an antibiotic and a presciption for a new med. So, he takes the new meds on Sunday, and 4 hours later vomits EVERYWHERE. So I called the nurse and they told me to try again the next morning. Well I do, and again he vomits. So we stayed home Monday and stayed on the phone with the doctor to try and figure things out. And he was taken off the meds and I was told to watch him. Well he does GREAT on Tuesday. Back to his old self. Now Wednesday rolls around. I woke him up and took his temp. He had a low grade fever. No biggie, just gave him Mortin and kept him home for a few hours to make sure that it stays down. So at 11 I sent him to school. He had no fever and was wonderful. I went on to work and when I picked him up at 5:00 he had a 104.2 temp. We took him straight to the ER. They run every test possible and we are there for 6 hours. Well, everything came back clean. They said it's viral and to do a Motrin/Tylenol cocktail every three hours. And they gave him a supository to help break the fever. It seems to work. YEAH! I start to get a glimmer of hope. Well, he was asleep all day and I figured that just came from the night before. So at 9:00pm I wake him up and give him a bath and I noticed that he was burning up. So I took his temp. 103.2!!!! What the hell??? I refused to go back to the ER. So I just the Tylenol/ Motrin thing through the night and I took his temp at 8:30 this morning. It was 101.3. So it went down, but it wasnt gone. Now I am freaking out. I don't want to take him back to the doctor because I dont want to overreact. But at the same time I want to know what is going on. I need answers. I havent gotten a firm answer and this kind of stuff has been going on since October. UGH!

I ALMOST MADE IT!

This was taken in 2007 2 months before I got pregnant. It was taken in Kentucky. I was 176 and was a size 10-12. I was very happy with the way that I looked. I was wearing a size Medium shirt. I was tan, healthy, and just pure HAPPY!
This was taken on my 23 birthday in 2007. I was confident enough to go to a baseball game in shorts and a tight shirt. I was very happy and my self-esteem was high. I felt like I looked "normal."

OK, so I have been working out pretty well (except for this week because I had tonsillitis). Anyways, I was able to make it back to the gym tonight and for once I tried running a whole mile without stopping. And much to my surprise it would have been a good 12 minute mile, which for me is good considering I am more of a "fast" walker than a runner. Anyways, about half way through the last 1/4 mile, I got into a horrible coughing spell. I ended up having to quit and go back home because I was coughing so hard I ended up peeing on myself. It was horrible. Having had a baby really messed up my peeing muscles. But I was really upset. I have goals set for myself. I was hopping that wouldn't happen tonight. I could feel it coming on and I thought that the water would ease it. But it just got worse. OMG, I hope that I get over this crap soon. I am ready to get back on track. But I have been doing really well with one thing. My diet, I have done so well sticking to it and staying away from sweets. I have shrank my stomach so much that I can only eat a few bites of my meals before I get full. Wes is enjoying it though, he gets all my left overs. He is my human garbage disposal. But he is wanting to gain weight, where as I want to lose it. So it works out. I just eat smaller portions, and he gets double the portions. But he enjoys grilled foods and isn't huge about fried foods. So that helps me too. Now our biggest thing is to stop eating out every night. I am going grocery shopping tomorrow and getting everything we need for the next week. And what is even better is that Wes wont be home Monday and Tuesday night, so I can tuna fish and salad. He hates tuna fish. And then I can make a home made grilled chicken salad the next night. I don't want to lose a certain number of "pounds," but rather I want to just look healthy again. Before I had Robert I weighed 179, but I was a size 10. I was that size through out high school. So if I could just get back there, that would be great. I have always been considered big when it came to pounds, but when it came to the way that I looked, I have been considered to look healthy. And I know that I will never be "tiny." But I just want to look good and look attractive.

YEAH it's already March, and it's great! Life is great! I do have some downs, but I am trying to look on the positive of it all. Robbie is doing great great great! He is 8 months old now and is becoming such a big boy.Although he has been sick the past week with RSV you can't hardley tell unless you hear him breathing. Poor bug sounds horrible. But he is CRAWLING FORWARD finally. He started about a month ago. And I will tell you this, he is on the move now. We had to put baby gates up and next weekend I have to baby proof the house. 5f ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, mhjnmkhhjyjtxcryfvu (Robbie says "Hi!") Anyways, I'm doing well. Now that it's warm again I have started doing 5Ks again. Yesterday I did the March of Dimes Shamrock fitness walk. And in April I am doing the Susan G. Komen Walk for the Cure in support of my mom who is a Breast Cancer Survivor. And in October I am doing the Three day walk which is 60 miles (I have a lot of prepping to do for that one). Again that is in support of my mom. It's in Tampa, so itll be a small vacation. Anyways, school is going really well. I am doing good considering how hectic life can get. Work, well other than the flu going around (Thank God I havent gotten it) not too bad. Just busy. Wesley is doing really great. He has been sick, but other than that, great. He is staying really busy at work and he is really enjoying his job. And he did get cut loose back in January. So he driving on his own without someone there to tell him what to do. Well, that is it for now. SEE YA!

The New Year

Well, here it is 2009, and I dont have a whole lot of plans just yet. I do plan on however losing 30 pounds. I just want to look like I did before I had the baby. Nothing major, just a better self esteem. I have started by making one big change, I no longer drink sodas although I could use some serious caffine right about now.
Family life is going great. I am back in school, Robert has two teeth, and Wes couldn't be happier.
Robert is getting so big, every day seems to bring new changes. I can't believe that in about 4 months I will be planning his first birthday. He has already said his first word, and believe it or not, I won, he says "momma". And its "momma" all day long. Oh my gosh is he busy too. Constantly on the move. If he is on the floor he is into everything. He crawls, backwards... he hasnt quite learned how to push himself forward yet. But he is getting there. If he gets stuck against something, he pushes off of it and turns himself so that he can move again. I have to keep a major eye on him now. If not everything will end up in his mouth. Having a baby is a busy job, but I wouldn't change it for the world.
Im doing well, like I said Im back in school. I am about to transfer from a tech college to a university. Im nervous about it, its going to be a lot more work. But in the end its going to be well worth it. I am however changing my major. I want to be a regular ed teacher. I am burnt out on special ed. Even though my job is rewarding, after doing it for so long, my nerves just can't take it anymore. Plus the politics of it and even more stressful. Work is going really well though. I have a differnt state of mind when Im there. Im there for the kids and nothing else. I put my other feeling aside and do my job. Speically since it's so hard to find another one. I know Im safe there and I dont want to jeopardize that.
Wes is doing GREAT! He is in his last week of training and he is so excited. Starting next week he will be on his own doing his own thing. I see such a spark in his with the job. He doesn't get up dreading his day anymore like he did with his old job. He comes home with a million and one stories and even though some days are not a busy as the others, he is still loving it. Im so proud of him too. He has pursued his dreams and everyday they are coming true.