Here it is November. Life is going okay, but I wish that somethings could be different. I am realizing my faith in the lord and how strong I need him. After somethings have happened I know that he is really the only one that I can talk to. I am not going to church, but I hope to soon. I am a very shy person and hate meeting new people by myself. But I am realizing that is just what is going to happen. I really want Robert in church, and even though he is too young to even know what is going on I think that it will be a good place for us. And hopefully that once I start going I can show Wes that as a family, it's where we need to be.
I am starting to doubt myself. Wes is living this high life that is fast paced and a dream come true for him. Don't get me wrong I am very proud of him and support him to the fullest. But I feel like I just can't keep up. He is always at the gym, and I can't seem to find the time to go myself. I can go, but I don't trust the daycare that they have there. There are big kids running and jumping all over the place and it's just not baby friendly. And specially after Robert spent 3 days in the hospital because of something that he got from another child, I just don't want to go through that again. But I feel like my dreams are now on the back burner. I work all day and then have to come home and take care of the baby all by myself. I do plan on going back to school in January and my neighbor (God Bless Her!!!) is going to keep him for 4 hours twice a week so I can go back. I am totally excited about it. But will it be too much for Robert? I know that it was my choice to be a mom, and I love it completely, but sometimes I think I asked for it too soon. OH WELL!!! It was my choice and I have to figure it out.
Robert is doing awsome. He is so grown up at only 4 months old. I can't believe how time flies. He is such a happy little boy. He is teething, no teeth yet, but I see them is our near future. He is rolling over, sitting up, and best of all he can hold his own bottle (when he is not being lazy). He is sleeping in his own bed finally too. Even though its so far away from me (just one room over... I know so far, but when they have been in the bed with you since day one, that is a long ways away.) He loves peek a boo, and loves tickles. He is eating baby food, bananas are his favorite. We are hoping to invest in a walker soon. He definatley a mover. He loves to sit with you and just chat. Especially with his MiMi.
Wesley is doing great. As I mentioned, he is living his dream. He comes home every night so excited about everything that he has done. And yeah he has his bad nights that he is just bored out of his mind, but the next night always seems to make up for it. He loves being a dad. Every time he has Robert I just see this sparkle in him. Specially when Robert laughs, Wes always wants him to do it more. They make it all worth while.
I know that I might complain about things in my life, but in the end when my day is all done, all I have to do is look at my son, and look at my husband, and then take a look up at God, and I know my life is what it is supposed to be right now. And trust me I know it could be A LOT worse.
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Im so glad that you called me today. One thing I can say is that God is the only person will never abandon you, always understand, always listen and the only person who can give perfect advice. It may not be in the word form that we all want but He'll always show you the way and bring opportunities for praise and worship into your life. I agree that church would be a great environment for him. I also think you should find a church that brings the worshiper in you (we all have one) out and allows you to express yourself and most importantly makes you comfortable so you can leave Robbie in the nursery.
I understand how you feel about the "left behind feeling" with his career. I always felt the same way. I feel like I keep going to school while Jeff continues to get promoted, work all of the time and be happy w/ his career while I"m left in the dark. I commend you for going back to school and giving it shot. Now that he's reached his goal it's your turn and you have the ability to do whatever you want so now it's his turn to support your dreams. YOu're taking the first step with school....so only God knows what is left in your bright future.
I hope that the scripture and your church can help you with your feelings...if anything God will bring answers to your life when He feels you are ready. Our entire life is a learning experience so as you grow with your career not only will it strengthen your Faith it will also bring you closer to Him and your relationship will grow stronger. So many things will seem brighter that your career will just flow easily. I cannot wait to see what he has in store for you!! I LOVE YOU MARYLOU
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